28 June 2010

My Dream Car

What does it mean that I desperately want a white 10-passenger van? What is the underlying desire that makes this behemoth car so appealing to me? I've been pondering it, and have come to some conclusions.

The external, easily enunciated reason that I want such a van is so that I can fill it up with children. MY children. The children I've had myself, and the sibling groups I've adopted from the foster care system in our country. So they'll all have a safe spot to sit, and we can go places together.

However, this is such a "Pipe Dream" right now that I was delving a little more deeply into why on earth I cling to this desire... and I decided that having such a van would be a visible sign of God-ordained spiritual and emotional growth in my husband. Having a van this "out of the ordinary" would mean that he doesn't care what others think of him. It would mean that he would welcome children who need a home into ours. It would mean that he was providing for our needs. It would mean so many things.

And that's why I really want one.
I'm honored that you would read New Mercy and
I would love to hear from you through comments!Teresa (Tracy) Dear

25 June 2010

Angry Moms

I am reading a good book right now... it's one about angry Christian moms.

Yeah, angry moms that are Christians. Uh-huh, women, with children, who love the Lord and yet still are impatient, frustrated, and MAD and sinfully direct those emotions toward their children.

The book is called She's Gonna Blow!: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger. I'm enjoying it, as much as I can, when it's hitting close to home. I'm comforted that I have many of her suggested scriptures already written on cards to help me keep them in mind... but then again, not so comforted because obviously I haven't had a total change of heart!

The author, Julie Ann Barnhill, quoted a friend who said this: "Many Christian moms feel guilty about being 'bad' mothers because they are angry with their children, but they don't always connect their anger with their sinfulness-- and so they miss out on the remedy."

If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:8,9

Another thing she said, which I have to keep in mind all the time with my strong-willed third child, is that "God did not give you your (child) so you could 'fix' him or whip him into shape. God gave you your (child) to make you more like Jesus." This is exactly what the pastor of our old church said. Mind-blowing to think He planned it! He knew that these exact children would put us in situations that would give us opportunities to become more like Christ.

Most of the time when I put myself in time-out, or send my kids to their rooms to give myself a break, I'm not even angry at them or something they did. I'm angry that my life isn't the way I envisioned it might be; I'm angry at my husband for not sacrificing for our family; I'm angry at so many things.

Lest I focus only on the negatives, I have managed to bypass a generational legacy to become bitter. I recognized it early on and read a ton about forgiveness and the dangers of bitterness, and I think that for now I have avoided it. But I still struggle with anger and using it properly.

Barnhill cautions:

"The combination of our parental words, actions, and deeds will affect their perception of their heavenly Father over the course of their entire lives... Our task as parents is not just to teach our children about God, but to model for them,, to the best of our ability, what God is like. The Bible teaches us that God is kind, slow to anger, merciful, gracious, righteous, abounding in loving-kindness, a stronghold, a shield, a protector, a defender of the weak, perfect, sure, pure, true, strong, and good. And those are just a few of His incredible attributes! It is here that I have to ask myself, "Will my children be able to believe these truths about God as a result of their earthly mother's life and behavior?"

I'm honored that you would read New Mercy and
I would love to hear from you through comments!Teresa (Tracy) Dear