13 January 2010

Not Panicking

You know what I think the biggest problem men have?


Initially, this idea came from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. He says that most men are faking their expertise and essentially their whole life, and they are sure that at any minute someone is going to figure them out and yell "Fraud!"

Much of his book is encouraging men to be men by protecting and fighting for women. James bought this book years ago (with the workbook to go with it) and still hasn't read it. I, of course, have read it at least 2 or 3 times. This is a good and a bad thing. I learned a lot about men (and women) by reading it, but it also made me feel sad because I could see the things Eldredgedescribed in my own husband, but he didn't read the book and see how other succeeded in discarding the lies of the deceiver.

So I must admit that I am struggling in this area a lot right now. I have to try very hard to not want to be an idol in my husband's mind. I want to be protected and fought for. I want to be cared for and watched over. I want to be coddled and doted on. These are good things. What makes nice desires like this -that I want to say are part of my womanhood- into idols is how badly I want them.

Am I angry and disappointed when I am not treated this way? Warning sign: idol.
Am I demanding and controlling to get this kind of treatment? Warning sign: idol.

Jan Meyers, author of The Allure of Hope, says "...the artistry of being a woman took a fateful dive into the barren places of control and loneliness." Every woman wants to "control her surrounding, her relationships, her God." John Eldredge, author of Wild at Heart, says "No longer is she vulnerable, now she will be grasping. No longer does she want simply to share in the adventure; now, she wants to control it."

The world tells me to demand my rights- the Bible tells me to love. The world tells me to henpeck and nag my husband- I want him to get up early, make my coffee, tell me his plans for getting a job while we drink it... I want him to brave the jobs he doesn't want in order to provide for us.

His unemployment was rejected. No income for over two months now, and now we shouldn't expect any unemployment. I mean, we're appealing it, but what now? I don't want to have a self-fulfilling prophecy, but he isn't slaying the dragon for us. The only reason he got out of bed this "morning" was because I started calling around about employment for me. Then he ran out the door. If I did a job, I can't count on him to watch the kids, so how could I work?

Now I know, and I've been told, that it isn't sinful to want to be provided for, that it's his job. That he needs to do that. But what? What about this kind of situation? This economy, this husband, these kids, these bills. I sent out a prayer request email last month and the subject line was "not panicking." My dear Titus 2 aunt responded with this in her subject line:

Re: not panicking...but praying, believing, trusting, rejoicing, preparing, resting in, pressing on, pressing in,relying on, hoping in, leaning on, looking to, anticipating help from, glorifying, resting in, abiding under the everlasting arms, loving, blessing, and serving my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!!!!

Man. What do you say to that? I'm just confused how to best DO all that in THIS situation.

I'm honored that you would read New Mercy and
I would love to hear from you through comments!
Teresa (Tracy) Dear