20 January 2010


(I wrote this last night) I sit here, disappointed, tears wet on my face. When someone jostles your cup, what comes out? For me, it is a slosh of patience and then the nasty burning acid of anger.

What is it that makes me so angry?

I know it's selfishness. Thinking only of myself.

I am so angry right now! I was absolutely FURIOUS at my husband a moment ago and now it is anger at myself and regret. I have so far to go. I am disappointed because tonight a class started that I have been looking forward to for over a month. It's held at a friend's house, a dear sister in Christ, and the fellowship and laughter is always great. Always coffee and some treats someone baked and brought along. It was Beth Moore's Daniel study, a great one sort of divided into two sections- the first half is how Daniel shows us how to live in a culture far different than the one we strive for, and the second half about the prophecies and end times. I've taken it before and I really enjoyed it- I was looking forward to digging deeper this time through, instead of feeling overwhelmed at the depth of the material.

I usually end up missing half of these studies because of no childcare. I was so hopeful that tonight would be different. No, not just tonight, the whole series. I was so hoping that since James is not working, not even looking for work, that he would be able to be depended on to watch his own kids once a week so I could get out and have some good teaching and fellowship. But I guess not.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Proverbs 12:13)

I hope that my longings for someone to care for me and provide for me will be fulfilled in this lifetime. For now I will have to reflect on some scriptures about anger.

Psalm 37:8 "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil."

Daniel: Lives of Integrity, Words of Prophecy: "Join Beth Moore in a faith-building study of prophecy, and learn how to shine for Christ in our modern culture. Just as the prophet Daniel faced unbelievable pressures— to compromise his faith, to live in a hostile culture, and confront temptations and threats—today's believers face many of the same trials."

I'm honored that you would read New Mercy and
I would love to hear from you through comments!
Teresa (Tracy) Dear


Courtney said...

You are not alone in your frustration. I tend to react the same way and end up mad at MYSELF for getting mad in the first place. Had this experience this morning, actually...hope you have a good day and let me know how the Daniel Study is...I've heard a lot of good things.