26 October 2009

Typical Day

So, a few announcements before I give you my sob story for today:

1. Got a new profile picture- whaddaya think?

2. Added a "meet mama4x" introduction box in the sidebar so new readers can know what on earth I'm talking about... maybe keep the wave of comments up!

3. I opened a Cafe Press store, called mama4x (of course) that has a few New Mercy t-shirts and such. A work in progress for a while as I tweak and perfect it.

4. I added Fall/ Thanksgiving and Winter/ Christmas cards in my Etsy shop, also called mama4x.

Well I wanted to tell you about a typical day for me... I was thinking about a new way to introduce myself to people, what are your thoughts?

"I am either blessed to be a single mother of four who has all her bills taken care of, or unfortunate enough to be in a marriage frozen in one dysfunctional holding pattern."

At 5:30 my husband's alarm goes off and we spoon until he absolutely must get out of bed at 6:05. Then I go make him coffee just the way he likes it as he gets dressed. He races off to work. Then, I stay up and pray and read my Bible, or I get back into bed with the toddler.

Everyone is up and moving around and eating at 8 a.m. and we do our homeschool tasks until lunch. Then we are free unless we have scouts, soccer, Lego club, or swimming. During the day I might get a text message or a call, but not usually. If I call him, I better speak fast, cause he's really busy. As evening approaches, I search for food for four hungry and irritable children and try not to lose patience completely, although if my children's actions and habits are a reflection of me (yes) then I do a poor job of it.

They are free for a while and I write or clean (my main pastimes). Then we search out PJs, get teeth cleaned and I ping-pong back and forth down the hall until everyone is satisfied and content and ready to sleep. I always complain that putting my kids to bed is like playing a long game of whack-a-mole.

I go to bed around 11 p.m. and sometime between 12-1 a.m. and 5 a.m. my husband comes home from what I call his 'adventures.' It's always something, you know? Work, fell asleep, truck trouble, helping a friend. Whatever. This morning it was 2:10.

It's gotten to the point that if he really needs to know something, I forward his email the info. I don't even consider what he's doing when we make plans, I know he won't be a part of them. I don't try to come home early; I know he won't be there. The kids see his truck in the driveway so infrequently that all heck breaks loose if we drive down our street and they spot it.

I know. I know! Everything you're thinking, I have heard. Why do I "stand for it," what about his example to the kids, what is he really doing, etc etc.

It's coming to a head for me. I am thinking about all the absent father stuff out there. I am guilty of unbelief- I lost faith that God could change my husband. But when I recognize that, I see that have been tricked into thinking I am waiting on James, not on GOD.

My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning. Psalm 130:6

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:13

but then again, I think...

A hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

but, again, God answers...

The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit
. Psalm 34:18


4 comments:

Renee said...

I do like your new profile picture, though it made me want to go have coffee. I'm easily influenced like that.

You and your husband are in my prayers. You are blessed to be able to be home with your kids and in control of the people in their lives who influence them. I've seen single moms have to let their kids visit the kids' father and have no control over the type of people they would be regularly exposed to at the new bachelor pad.

mama4x said...

I need to keep my eyes on the blessings and not the hardships.

Nancy M. said...

I understand! My husband used to be like that. I, too, thought he would never change. But, I was wrong, it took many years, but he's finally seen the light. Our marriage is much better now! Just keep praying and doing your best to help him.

mama4x said...

Thank you so much for your comment, Nancy. I am thankful for the encouragement of women a little further down the path than I am.