10 July 2009

Where We Find our Worth

When we are in Christ, we should look to him to find our self-worth. He created us, and loves us, and we should need no other proof than His son's death and resurrection to believe that. But sometimes we forget what we are worth.

Last weekend the kids and I drove to Brownwood in a separate car from our navigator, James. We had directions, and the plan was to call my brother-in-law and get the final instructions to his actual home when we got there. Trouble was, my cell had no reception at all, my directions had come to their end, and it was beginning to get dark. I stopped at a fireworks stand (do they have those outside the Republic of Texas?) and bought some sparklers and asked the guy if I could use his phone.

He was "yes, ma'am" "no, ma'am" the entire time. At first I was "how old do I look?!" but as he continued doing it, I started to think, he thinks I'm worthy of his respect. Why would that be? What does he know about me? That my phone doesn't have reception? Is it that I am a customer? For being a woman? For being a mother?

And immediately on top of this ego boost was my BIL. I called him, and the phone only rang once and he snatched it up. The first ring! He was waiting for my call! He was concerned for my safety (and navigation skills, probably)! It made me feel so good to get these clues that I was important to not just someone, but two someones.

Then I got in the car and continued down the darkening, lonely Texas highway. As the 'basking in the sun' feeling began to dissipate, I began to question myself. What on earth was wrong with me if I so soaked up a little sign of respect or favor? Have I been so neglected and battered that I need it that bad, that any little inkling of positive display made me react this way? I know that mothering is a thankless job, interspersed with hugs, art projects, and sleepy "I love you, mommy." I know my husband is going through hard times when he doesn't value himself, much less those around him, or has a distorted perception that clouds his view of things.

But I also know that I am so valued by God that he sent his son to die so that he could be with me in heaven. That he so valued me that he made me in his image. That he so loves me, that he makes sure I have air to breathe and clothes to wear and food to eat. That he put me in a beautiful place to enjoy his creation- including the fruit of the coffee plant. That he loved me so much that he gave me the Holy Spirit to always be available to help me and comfort me and enable me.


Anonymous said...

Ultimately, we must always look back to the cross and what He did for us on the cross. I wait for the Lord, My soul waits for the Lord and in HIS WORD I put my HOPE. Love you.

mama4x said...

We have to put our hope in Him, everyone else will fall short.