01 April 2009

Christian Radio

The first time I realized that I had to stop listening to regular radio altogether was after Thanksgiving of 2005. I was racing from the hospital where Lily was to my parent's house, to put the other two kids to bed. (On a side note, thank God for wonderful NICU nurses who reassure scared mothers that they can actually leave the hospital for an hour or two.) On the country music station someone was singing, "I'm dying inside, and nobody knows it but me." Anyway, I was in my mother's little car, crossing an overpass, and just choking from that crying-in-your-throat feeling. I stopped -that night- listening to regular radio. For the next 18 months the Holy Spirit reached me, spoke to me and comforted me through music on K-LOVE radio. It began when Lily was two months old and I was ferrying things north to my parent's house in Round Rock. I almost had to pull off the highway the first time I heard "Praise You In the Storm" by Casting Crowns (LifesongCD):

"I was sure by now, God you would have reached down, and wiped our tears away-- stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say 'amen,' and it's still raining. As the thunder rolls, I barely hear you whisper through the rain "I am with you." And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives-- and takes away. And I'll praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands, cause you are who you are, no matter where I am. AND EVERY TEAR I CRY, YOU HOLD IN YOUR HAND. You've never left my side. AND THOUGH MY HEART IS TORN... I will praise you in this storm."

At this time, settling the kids in Round Rock, mourning the possible loss of my marriage (not to mention being a stay-at-home mom, homeschooling), I was a wellspring for tears. The thought that the suppressed, hidden, nighttime or wiped-away tears were known to God comforted me.

Psalm 56:8 (NIV) says "Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll, are they not in your record?" The KJV says "Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?"

Matthew Henry commentary (Ps. 56:8-13): "David comforts himself, in his distress and fear, that God noticed all his grievances and all his griefs. God has a bottle and a book for his people's tears, both the tears for their sins, and those for their afflictions. He observes them with tender concern... And vows of thankfulness properly accompany prayers for mercy....We should aim in all our desires and expectations of deliverance... that we may do the better service to the Lord; that we may serve him without fear."

One of the first Christian songs I ever heard was Jars of Clay (who my mother calls Dirt Pots) "Love Song for a Savior" (Jars of Clay CD). That was in 1996! The next one was "Blessed be the Name of the Lord" (Where Angels Fear to Tread CD) by Matt Redman, in 2004. There have been many more in the past 3 years, each one for the season that I needed it. It's so remarkable how the Lord speaks to us! I was constantly amazed when I would hear a song which previously, not just 'spoke to me' but tore my heart apart-- and it no longer had that affect on me. Or a song which had been on the radio forever suddenly spoke to me, when before it was just background music.

Concordance search for 'tears' comes up with these jewels: Psalms 6:6; Psalms 126:5; Revelation 21:4; Psalms 42:3; Hebrews 5:7; Job 16: 19-21. But watch out: there is also the stinger (O truth!) of Proverbs 14:1!


Margie said...

Sometimes the Lord calms the storm, and sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child. I have watched as He has done that the past few years as the storm has raged around you. You have and are going through the refiners fire and you are coming out as pure gold. ~M