19 March 2009

Thank God- He Never Slumbers

Sometimes I watch the kids sleep, when I know I won't wake them up! Especially if bedtime was hard, I go back to apologize to their little (now)innocent faces and pray for patience and kindness. Over the course of the near-eight years that I have been a mother, I have spent alot of time watching my babies sleep. Whether they fell asleep nursing, or I am checking on them when they don't feel well, or just loving them while they are at rest... I have stared at their little facial features and been in awe of the similarities they have from James and I now, and from our baby and childhood pictures. I love it when a few of them are asleep in the same bed and I can compare their faces and features to each other. (This is Nathan, my baby, about this time last year. Time flies!)
Sometimes I fall asleep alone for some reason or another. James is late, or watching the UFC fight, or off on some adventure. I can hear the baby breathing. I hear the magnolia leaves outside my windows clattering against each other. I know James isn't home, because of all the signs: the A/C is off, the room-darkening curtains are open, maybe there are a few kids in the bed with me. One night I was wishing that someone would stare at me while I slept. That someone would memorize my features, that they would listen to my breathing, that they would pray over me and whisper apologies in my ear unaware. I wished that I was important enough and cherished enough for someone to stay awake over me and just enjoy me-- when I was doing nothing to be appealing, not interacting in any way. And the Lord spoke to me-- 'I do. I watch over you. I love to watch you sleep. I love to give you a breath and listen to it go in and out while you rest. I have counted the tears on your pillow. I am beside you and I love you. I never slumber. I have watched over you for thirty years and I know your every thought and I love you still.' I am so thankful for His presence and His reassurance!