28 March 2009

Further Introduction and Background

So now I am feeling more comfortable being transparent with y'all, my invisible yet present audience. My step-mother-in-law asked why did I decide to do a blog instead of a Facebook page? I answered that I wanted to write as if no one was reading. If I knew the people who were reading, or saw them everyday, I would be tempted to alter what I was writing. You know how some conversations are tweaked for the audience? I also tend to see things more clearly when I say them out loud, so part of this blog-writing is for me, so I can more easily see how I've reacted to things, how I can do better, how God has been with me, what he's teaching (trying to teach?) me.

So here's a little more introduction to me and my story. In January of 2005, my husband got out of the Air Force. We moved from Ft. Meade, Maryland to Seguin, Texas. From the beltway between Baltimore and D.C., to rural Texas. Did I say small-town Texas? Go to the grocery store or the library small town? Not know anyone, why did we move here town? Yes. Looking back, I know why we moved there. It was FEAR. We said to each other, 'How will we get a home loan when we just got out of the AF?' We did not say, 'God will provide.' We did not listen to Godly counsel. We just said, 'Gee, we sure miss Texas!' And off we went.

James had a job lined up an hour south of Seguin in San Antonio using his AF security clearance. This fell through and he got a job in south Austin, one hour northeast of Seguin. The drive and the dry cleaning wasn't working with the pay, so he got a part-time job 45 minutes east of Seguin in a little town called Gruene. And all this time I was staying home, pregnant, with the two kids under four.

Our house was a 2bed/1bath, no AC, no insulation, with a rat and cockroach problem... one rat and frequent roaches is a considered a problem to me. I didn't grow up watching my parents struggle with the bills, and I didn't know how to choose between the mortgage and the utilities, the credit card and the car payment, food and gas.

James was working his butt off, and making about half of what we needed for the bills, and I was a raving, demanding, insane lunatic whenever he got home from work and his drive (exhausted, dozing on long, monotonous Texas highways). We were surviving off our WIC food and I was six months pregnant and hadn't been to the doctor yet when my step-mother-in-law said I could probably get food stamps and Medicaid. (I was so glad to get on food stamps that I brought the Health and Human Resources office muffins and orange juice the next day. They were confused.) We filed for bankruptcy and lost our Passat. When the baby, Lillian, was born, she was very sick. Ok, I'm tired of recalling all this so we'll have to continue tomorrow.

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